NEWSFLASH!!! I got it all wrong again. (I know you’re surprised.) It took all my strength not to go back and fix my last post when I realized that PEACE was probably not the *right word* for my hallowed three-part series. (Sometimes I can only laugh.) Now what do I do with a series based on the wrong flipping word?! Make up a new one? I need a hug. Mummy?
(for people who like smelly sneakers)
Who knew. Apparently the Dictionary is really useful. Why buy new runners when you can wear your old smelly ones? Personally, I prefer the Thesaurus.
But don’t worry friends, the skeptic in me has totally got this under control. Read it and weep, Webby Stirr.
OLD MEANING (trash):
PEACE: The absence of war. (Miss Congeniality will never win.)
NEW MEANING (your welcome):
PEACE: The absence of CONVICTION. A subtle emotion deep inside that confirms whether or not you are living according to your Values. It is the “treaty” between your heart & mind.
Take that Webby Stirr. And because I love my Thesaurus, here are synonyms for you:
Synonyms: Reconciliation, Integrity, Happiness, Harmony, Tranquility, Contentment
Peace in MARRIAGE is not due to a lack of fighting, it is confidence that after a fight will come reconciliation. Peace in LIFE is knowing that after you mess up, you will be forgiven. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the supernatural ability to cope with it.
So I guess it’s a NEW THING I’m inventing here. But I call it Peace. And I’m cool if you want to call it something else. Whatevs.
“There is no way to peace, peace IS the way.”
[A. J. Muste]
DOing what I said I would DO
This is not about my New Year’s Resolutions (thank God). It’s not about maintaining my composure and never yelling at my kids. And it’s certainly not about swimming with someone else’s dolphins.
Integrity…Choosing NOT TO compromise when your promise becomes uncomfortable or inconvenient. Growing in integrity does not happen by accident, it happens when you are INTENTIONAL even when it’s hard. Are you a person of integrity or do you cave in when the promise becomes inconvenient? Your commitments cannot be rationalized away while maintaining integrity. It’s all or nothing: You either have it or you don’t. Holding to your promise is NOT an act of self-righteousness. It’s an act of integrity. Don’t be a coward.
I’m sitting here not wanting to write this. But I want peace in my life. And I don’t have it. But I know how to get it. And I have to choose to take it back. It’s simply a matter of what I value more. Certainly I don’t value cowardice…but are my actions speaking louder than my words?
Breathe. Don’t stop writing. Don’t stop.
In order to move closer to where I want to go spiritually and mentally, I have to stop the compromise. I have to DO what I said I would DO. You know, that thing I promised.
Because I’m hitting a wall. Something is OFF. I have moments of peace. Flickers. Probably more than not. But if I want to DIG DEEPER & SWIM FASTER, I’ve got to dive into this process.
So, I guess this is good-bye.
Good-bye Compromise. You served me well, when it was about ME getting what I wanted. I did enjoy getting to know you. But I want more now. I want intimacy back in my marriage. I want a stronger connection. I want my husband to be my best friend. And my focus is slightly off, so my gun is aiming at animals that aren’t supposed to be shot. I can’t say I’ll miss you. I’m certain I will check up to see how you’re doing from time-to-time. But, I’m ready for closure now.
letting the conviction settle in
I saw a cynic come out of me this weekend, and I lost my sense of Peace afterwards. We were watching a family movie where a teenage boy was saying incredibly scripted, highly symbolic and creatively romantic things to a girl. You must know that I highly value script writing, symbolism & romance; HOWEVER, my 10-year old daughter was leaning on my arm. So I flippantly told her…”Remember, its just a movie. This doesn’t happen in real life.”
Chivalry is dead. Said the cynic. There…take that.
To my surprise, my husband overheard and responded with disappointment to my comment. ”Seriously?!” he said.
Whaaaaaaat. Did he WANT HER to be “brainwashed” with the thought that romance was a possibility in her lifetime?! I certainly could have lived my life without Cinderella. Said the cynic.
After the movie was over, I was bothered. Disrupted. Face-to-face with my own cynicism, and who was winning really? I’ve settled.
My husband doesn’t stand a chance in my “Romance Department” because my Hollywood-sized expectations are unrealistic (but-but-but they taunt me so).
How do you rebuild convictions that have been ignored for so long? Simple. With accountability. Dammit, I hate it when I know stuff.
FTQ’s (Frequently Thought Questions) (Because I know stuff)
What does PEACE feel like?
If Peace is the absence of CONVICTION, I will only feel guilt when I am NOT in sync with the priorities I Value. Peace feels like a “treaty” between my heart & mind. No stress. Sounds like an environment for thriving relationships, doesn’t it?
Well then…What does CONVICTION feel like?
As someone who has experienced a fair share of conviction in her life, this one is a lot harder to describe. Personally, I’ve found that conviction is subtle enough to be easily ignored. AND, the longer it is ignored, the easier it becomes. Anyone is capable of convincing themselves that what they are doing is not technically wrong because of excuse-excuse-excuse. It’s a stretch only to the outside world. Anyone who is not you. I don’t qualify at all to preach about conviction. All I know is how easy it is to break it.
It takes a LOT of guts to allow yourself to FEEL the discomfort of conviction. We have to get better at this. Said the cynic…who wants to be a better person.
What if I value something that is not attainable? Like romance?
Try. Get up again. You’re not dead yet. Don’t give up. Speak up. Ask. Pray. Hope. The triumph can’t be had without the struggle. You can’t change what has already happened so look ahead instead of behind. It’s time to confront issues in life. You are closer to success now than you were yesterday, so don’t give up. You will suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Pick one. In order to excel you must be completely dedicated.
What if so-and-so tries to place their Values on me?
Sorry, but your Values didn’t make it on my list. I am not the manager of your Values. I can barely manage my own. I can say “no” to your values and still feel peace because I’m. following. my. values.
A “NO” uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a “YES” merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”
What ONE change would bring the greatest degree of peace into your life?
That is my question to YOU.
the second bite(s)
- Are you willing to do what it takes to get PEACE back in your life?
- Are you dealing with compromise? FEEL it. If you are not doing what you said you would do OR doing something you should NOT be doing…the answer is YES.
- Think about the kind of person you want to be. Require MORE from yourself.
- Write down a list of the things you Value. Are your actions reflecting your Values or just your words?
- Are you doing what YOU SAID you would do?
>>> Up next…in Part THREE I will WAR against the idea that peace leaves you behind when the wrong circumstances are present.