NEWSFLASH!!! I got it all wrong again. (I know you’re surprised.) It took all my strength not to go back and fix my last post when I realized that PEACE was probably not the *right word* for my hallowed three-part series. (Sometimes I can only laugh.) Now what do I do with a series based on the wrong flipping word?! Make up a new one? I need a hug. Mummy?
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DEFINITION
(for people who like smelly sneakers)
Who knew. Apparently the Dictionary is really useful. Why buy new runners when you can wear your old smelly ones? Personally, I prefer the Thesaurus.
But don’t worry friends, the skeptic in me has totally got this under control. Read it and weep, Webby Stirr.
OLD MEANING (trash):
PEACE: The absence of war. (Miss Congeniality will never win.)
NEW MEANING (your welcome):
PEACE: The absence of CONVICTION. A subtle emotion deep inside that confirms whether or not you are living according to your Values. It is the “treaty” between your heart & mind.
Take that Webby Stirr. And because I love my Thesaurus, here are synonyms for you:
Synonyms: Reconciliation, Integrity, Happiness, Harmony, Tranquility, Contentment
Peace in MARRIAGE is not due to a lack of fighting, it is confidence that after a fight will come reconciliation. Peace in LIFE is knowing that after you mess up, you will be forgiven. Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the supernatural ability to cope with it.
So I guess it’s a NEW THING I’m inventing here. But I call it Peace. And I’m cool if you want to call it something else. Whatevs.
“There is no way to peace, peace IS the way.”
[A. J. Muste]
DOing what I said I would DO
This is not about my New Year’s Resolutions (thank God). It’s not about maintaining my composure and never yelling at my kids. And it’s certainly not about swimming with someone else’s dolphins.
Integrity…Choosing NOT TO compromise when your promise becomes uncomfortable or inconvenient. Growing in integrity does not happen by accident, it happens when you are INTENTIONAL even when it’s hard. Are you a person of integrity or do you cave in when the promise becomes inconvenient? Your commitments cannot be rationalized away while maintaining integrity. It’s all or nothing: You either have it or you don’t. Holding to your promise is NOT an act of self-righteousness. It’s an act of integrity. Don’t be a coward.
I’m sitting here not wanting to write this. But I want peace in my life. And I don’t have it. But I know how to get it. And I have to choose to take it back. It’s simply a matter of what I value more. Certainly I don’t value cowardice…but are my actions speaking louder than my words?
Breathe. Don’t stop writing. Don’t stop.
In order to move closer to where I want to go spiritually and mentally, I have to stop the compromise. I have to DO what I said I would DO. You know, that thing I promised.
Because I’m hitting a wall. Something is OFF. I have moments of peace. Flickers. Probably more than not. But if I want to DIG DEEPER & SWIM FASTER, I’ve got to dive into this process.
So, I guess this is good-bye.
Good-bye Compromise. You served me well, when it was about ME getting what I wanted. I did enjoy getting to know you. But I want more now. I want intimacy back in my marriage. I want a stronger connection. I want my husband to be my best friend. And my focus is slightly off, so my gun is aiming at animals that aren’t supposed to be shot. I can’t say I’ll miss you. I’m certain I will check up to see how you’re doing from time-to-time. But, I’m ready for closure now.
letting the conviction settle in
I saw a cynic come out of me this weekend, and I lost my sense of Peace afterwards. We were watching a family movie where a teenage boy was saying incredibly scripted, highly symbolic and creatively romantic things to a girl. You must know that I highly value script writing, symbolism & romance; HOWEVER, my 10-year old daughter was leaning on my arm. So I flippantly told her…”Remember, its just a movie. This doesn’t happen in real life.”
Chivalry is dead. Said the cynic. There…take that.
To my surprise, my husband overheard and responded with disappointment to my comment. ”Seriously?!” he said.
Whaaaaaaat. Did he WANT HER to be “brainwashed” with the thought that romance was a possibility in her lifetime?! I certainly could have lived my life without Cinderella. Said the cynic.
After the movie was over, I was bothered. Disrupted. Face-to-face with my own cynicism, and who was winning really? I’ve settled.
My husband doesn’t stand a chance in my “Romance Department” because my Hollywood-sized expectations are unrealistic (but-but-but they taunt me so).
How do you rebuild convictions that have been ignored for so long? Simple. With accountability. Dammit, I hate it when I know stuff.
FTQ’s (Frequently Thought Questions) (Because I know stuff)
What does PEACE feel like?
If Peace is the absence of CONVICTION, I will only feel guilt when I am NOT in sync with the priorities I Value. Peace feels like a “treaty” between my heart & mind. No stress. Sounds like an environment for thriving relationships, doesn’t it?
Well then…What does CONVICTION feel like?
As someone who has experienced a fair share of conviction in her life, this one is a lot harder to describe. Personally, I’ve found that conviction is subtle enough to be easily ignored. AND, the longer it is ignored, the easier it becomes. Anyone is capable of convincing themselves that what they are doing is not technically wrong because of excuse-excuse-excuse. It’s a stretch only to the outside world. Anyone who is not you. I don’t qualify at all to preach about conviction. All I know is how easy it is to break it.
It takes a LOT of guts to allow yourself to FEEL the discomfort of conviction. We have to get better at this. Said the cynic…who wants to be a better person.
What if I value something that is not attainable? Like romance?
Try. Get up again. You’re not dead yet. Don’t give up. Speak up. Ask. Pray. Hope. The triumph can’t be had without the struggle. You can’t change what has already happened so look ahead instead of behind. It’s time to confront issues in life. You are closer to success now than you were yesterday, so don’t give up. You will suffer the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. Pick one. In order to excel you must be completely dedicated.
What if so-and-so tries to place their Values on me?
Sorry, but your Values didn’t make it on my list. I am not the manager of your Values. I can barely manage my own. I can say “no” to your values and still feel peace because I’m. following. my. values.
A “NO” uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a “YES” merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble.”
[Mahatama Gandhi]
What ONE change would bring the greatest degree of peace into your life?
That is my question to YOU.
the second bite(s)
- Are you willing to do what it takes to get PEACE back in your life?
- Are you dealing with compromise? FEEL it. If you are not doing what you said you would do OR doing something you should NOT be doing…the answer is YES.
- Think about the kind of person you want to be. Require MORE from yourself.
- Write down a list of the things you Value. Are your actions reflecting your Values or just your words?
- Are you doing what YOU SAID you would do?
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<<< In Part One…I talked elaborated about how peace is felt when you pursue the things you Value. If you missed it and you struggle with making time for the things that are important, click here.
>>> Up next…in Part THREE I will WAR against the idea that peace leaves you behind when the wrong circumstances are present.
Wait… I can go to your profile… let me try that…
Okay… I sent an email… let me know if it works. But keep commenting on your post… not here. Thanks.
I got your email and the link and sent a request to view! Fingers crossed
Be patient…I won’t have time to read tonight…
I sent you a request.
okay, but I am going to warn you that you might think you have made a few poor life choices, but I made a science out of it…
ok… I will try to find it.
Who hasn’t…?! I’m no judge.
You *should* get a notification?!!
But where will it show up? The rules on invite only blogs are different. Keep looking for my invites. I will ask people where they go.
Not like this they don’t.
Yeah, I don’t see it yet. And I don’t know where my invites keep going. I suck at this computer stuff.
If you go under the notifications for that blog…is it there?
hmmm…ok
Where are the notifications?
You’re still smiling…
Top right?
FOUND IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heading out now, but will read with coffee in hand (and popcorn?) tomorrow. Thanks for sharing it with me.
What ONE change would bring the greatest degree of peace into your life?
Haven’t had a chance to read the other responses but I like this question. First I want to share a couple of scriptures that will guide my answer.
Matthew 11:28-30 Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (He gives us rest we can’t do it ourselves)
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.(catch the part about not as the world gives. Do we get pulled in or what?)
John 16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (my favorite)
Romans 8:6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. (Could it be said any better then this)
The one change in my life would be setting my eyes on the author and finisher of my faith and not my circumstances more consistently. i do so good at this and then BAM! I look away for one second and find myself back in a place of hopelessness. It’s my greatest desire to love HIM with all my heart, mind, soul and strength because when I do that I can love others unconditionally even though they hurt me. (The Greatest Commandment) The world offers a lot of alternatives and even dupes us at times to get on the bandwagon. I so want to stay of that darn thing. The greatest times of peace in my life have come when i don’t look to others for the answers but seek him with all my heart first. Thank you for asking this question! Blessings!!!!
Yeah I am.
I will look again later…
We did it. You are in for a bumpy ride… start at the beginning.
Peace in the storm… This would be the lifejacket I need some days.
Today I am choosing happiness.
I TOTALLY AGREE!!! What you said is right in line with my part three…keeping your eyes focused in the middle of the storm
Thank you for the great scriptures 
Good
It took me 5 minutes just to scroll to the beginning and then there were more posts…lol…I still haven’t FOUND the beginning!! Good thing I’m unemployed…this is going to take months. Question: Why did you wait so long to invite me?
A life jacket…perfect
If you fail at meeting one or more of those “many things”, how will you feel about that and what will you do? How graciously and effectively you deal with failure can be more a determinant of success than conviction and perseverance.
If you are not prepared to work through failure and setbacks along the way, your choice is to throw in the towel or hit the restart button from where you stand. It may not be wise to repeatedly start over. If you are plagued with a chronic repeating fail in one area, it may be better to pull that out of the program for now and concentrate on what is doable. If you keep restarting, at some point fatigue will set in and you will scrap the whole thing. If you were on a diet and all was going well except not drinking soda, you wouldn’t drop the diet over the soda. You would formulate a separate plan for the soda which may be cutting back, not doing without, until your caffeine and sugar addiction is more controllable. All along you may have been succeeding with your carbs, red meats and snack foods with only this one stumble. It wouldn’t be reasonable to consider you or your plan a failure at that under those circumstances. Have a plan for acknowledging incremental success and don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater over one or two areas of weakness.
If you fail at meeting one or more of those “many things”, how will you feel about that and what will you do? How graciously and effectively you deal with failure can be more a determinant of success than conviction and determination. If you are not prepared to work through failure and setbacks along the way, your choice is to throw in the towel or hit the restart button from where you stand. It may not be wise to repeatedly start over. If you are plagued with a chronic repeating fail in one area, it may be better to pull that out of the program for now and concentrate on what is doable. If you keep restarting, at some point fatigue will set in and you will scrap the whole thing. If you were on a diet and all was going well except not drinking soda, you wouldn’t drop the diet over the soda. You would formulate a separate plan for the soda which may be cutting back, not doing without, until your caffeine and sugar addiction is more controllable. All along you may have been succeeding with your carbs, red meats and snack foods with only this one stumble. It wouldn’t be reasonable to consider your plan or you a failure at that point. Have a plan for acknowledging incremental success and don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater for one area of weakness.
I don’t know about kayboo, but personally, I am probably way too easy on myself when I encounter setbacks or failure. Still encountering forward momentum though, which is great