My brokenness started to leak out through the cracks in my heart last year when we were on a family ski trip.
I was sitting alone in an outdoor hot tub trying to stuff down the tears while my husband played with the kids in the pool. I was trying to deal with how I was feeling, and my mind was wrapped entirely in myself when my husband came over to the hot tub and commented on the “shards of glass” that had figuratively accumulated around me. When he had finally noticed, I couldn’t do anything to hold in the bleeding any longer. I burst.
That was February last year. I didn’t admit to him that I had fallen in love with someone else at the time. I was confused. How was I capable of this? What did it mean? In order to make sense of it all, all I could figure out was that I probably just didn’t love him anymore. I told him that ”my heart was very very sick.”
It was a long drive home…
Our first trip back to that very same place since this conversation happened was this weekend. He let me know that it was going to be very hard for him. He just wanted to get the first trip back out of the way. We had invited my brother and his family in order to get through it with more distractions. It was surprisingly good. Fantastic actually. Moments of pure bliss were built in as we grabbed a bottle of glue and made new memories.
This man has done everything (I mean EVERYTHING) in his power to ensure that I am happy. Could I make a list of all the points he still has to work on? Yes, of course. But his list would be longer…HA!
- he is not allowing his fears to control him
- he is not falling over himself to baby me
- he is allowing me the room I need to make good choices
- he doesn’t bring up my mistake at all
- he trusts me because he wants to (not because it’s easy)
It’s an incredible feeling to think about how far we have made it in almost a year. We are going back for another ski weekend again in a few weeks, and I am so happy to make this a part of our “new story.” It really is a new life. New opportunity. I get to be a new person. We get to have a new relationship. A new marriage.
The heart of the matter
I have found myself looking at the condition of my heart again, just as a sort of check-up. It’s not in perfect condition. But there is hope written all over it. And I feel way more in control of my life, my choices, and my destiny than ever before. I feel stronger, happier, and secure.
The greatest treasures are those invisible to the eye but found by the heart.”