the gift of imperfection

December 18, 2012 by hiddinsight

Now that we are all gathered together under this lovely photograph, there is something you need to know. About me. About you. About us.

Picture yourself holding a cup of java, in your PJ’s on Christmas morning when a sweet, adorable, bed-headed wild child with sticky fingers passes you a box that has been wrapped in three different types of wrapping paper, 5 different types of ribbon, and it smells like drool. After it is handed to you, some of the wrapping paper sticks to the child’s fingers. You stifle nausea and fain joy as you reluctantly pull the gift towards yourself and some of the wrapping paper tears away prematurely. The child looks at you expectantly.

Do you like it?
Are you going to open it?
Are you happy?

As you behold the (can-this-be-called-a) gift in your hands, you try to find a word or two to do *authentic justice* to it.

Finally, because you are a really good person…you utter a sleepy, “This is supposed to be for ME? Gee, thanks…”

The room is quiet because everyone is dying to know: WHO is THIS THING from anyway?!

Well, it’s from ME, of course! (Consider yourself fore-warned.)

Do you like it?

You can just hold it for a while, if you want. I understand the hesitation. Really, I do. You don’t have to open it right away. After all, we all know that if a gift looks good on the outside, something good is on the inside. Right? Especially if you like gifts (ahh, the language a good gift speaks). And if no effort were put into the gift-wrap, well then…let’s all just say, “You’re ssssssssss-p-e-c-i-a-l….” ha ha ha…

Well, that’s me. I’m that special gift. It’s me. In all my glory. I ~~don’t apologize~~ learning not to apologize for my wrapping. But it makes me self-conscious sometimes, so please excuse me if I waver in my attitude from time to time. But…IT’S ME!!

________________________

1. giving the gift of “ME”

This Christmas, my life could have turned out so much different. I sometimes let myself experience the thought of the nightmare of OPTION B had I chosen it when my affair was discovered. IF my choices had been different, this year I wouldn’t even be with my family.

I don’t say that out of a sense of fear or shame, I say it out of my own sense of AWE. Like it dawns on me that I am: One choice away from HAPPY and one choice away from SAD. One choice away from VULNERABLE and one choice away from SHAME.

I’m NOT SAYING that “my family should be glad I chose them.” I am saying that I’m so glad I’m here. In all my glory. They get me: All my mistakes. All my messed upedness. All my newly invented words. Because this is a part of who I am.

They have me. And this Christmas I am pouring all my energy into being me. Imperfectly. So that I can encourage others to embrace who they are.

Which brings me to…

________________________

2. giving the gift of “YOU”

Oh frick. Don’t stop reading now just because I’ve made this about YOU. I’m sure your wrapping paper and gift presentation looks a lot nicer than mine does. Ha.

If your family is larger than ONE, you may be dealing with the very same people you love to hate. People who are messed up, broken packages. You may even feel like the broken package is you. Welcome here. Let’s gather ourselves together under a tree, and pretend we are alive. Or actually be alive. Whichever you choose. Being alive means living in the moment. And this year, if your gift looks a little broken, let others see you. REALLY see you.

Scary, isn’t it? Well, that’s another post. In the meantime…
give your broken gifts a kiss for me.

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Posted in rEvolution | Tagged authenticity, brokenness, Christian, Christmas, family, giving, giving good gifts, holiday, humor, love, marriage, relationships | 100 Comments

100 Responses

on December 22, 2012 at 4:29 am legendsofyouth

Love it! Congrats on being Freshly Pressed!
on December 22, 2012 at 6:12 am FaithNHopeAlways

This is such a great way to explain what it means to have that unconditional love for ourselves, just like we all should.
on December 22, 2012 at 8:29 am ETrade Supply

Don’t always take other people’s opinions as your decision, just be yourself and just do it.
on December 22, 2012 at 9:56 am iceman18

I aspire to imperfection! My new mantra that I pray for daily. To be perfectly imperfect.

I’ve ran my life’s game plan under perfection and only by the grace of God am I here today. I have climbed to the mountain top ‘career wise’ leaving everything that meant anything to me and kept me grounded, behind.

Perhaps your site can help send me those daily reminders to keep my feet on the ground.

Cheers!
on December 22, 2012 at 12:47 pm emekatalks

AMAZING!
on December 22, 2012 at 3:12 pm hiddinsight

Allowing ourselves to be REALLY seen is the only way to connect fully with people in our community. I’m surprised I don’t get hate mail for half of the mistakes I openly admit to making, but I think it’s the magic of vulnerability. Thank you for your comments.
on December 22, 2012 at 3:14 pm tranquilthunder

Reblogged this on Tranquil Thunder. and commented:
We search so earnestly for the perfect gift, when maybe, just maybe, the imperfect one we abandon turns out to be the right one.
on December 22, 2012 at 3:16 pm hiddinsight

The thought that perfection is boring is SO TRUE. Yet I once strived for the feeling of acceptance I thought I would get once I had “arrived.” I know now this is laughable, because all I achieved was shame! Pressing the RE-SET button was the only thing to do. Now I am poised to challenge perfection in every way! Thanks for sharing your eyes over here… sounds like we have the same goal.
on December 22, 2012 at 3:17 pm hiddinsight

Thank you!!
on December 22, 2012 at 3:20 pm hiddinsight

It’s easier said than done because shame keeps a hold on you when you make mistakes. Unless, of course, you admit them to the world. That’s when the freedom is found. When you realize it is possible to be forgiven! What a gift
on December 22, 2012 at 3:21 pm hiddinsight

Sounds like a great plan to me!! I’m going to have to plan to be more spontaneous
on December 22, 2012 at 3:24 pm hiddinsight

God’s grace is always enough. I guess that’s why that one song was written: Amazing Grace, because I can’t figure out why He would want to forgive me, and then I realize He wants restored relationship. With me?? Amazing.
on December 22, 2012 at 3:25 pm hiddinsight

Thank you!
on December 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm hiddinsight

Thanks for reading it
on December 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm hiddinsight

Thank you!
on December 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm hiddinsight

Thank you
on December 22, 2012 at 5:24 pm ChangeTheWorld

This is such a great post. Thank you for sharing this. It is going to make me a lot more present this Christmas (I hope!)
http://stepstochangetheworld.wordpress.com/
on December 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm bernasvibe

**You’re very welcome@the comments. And to err is human..to admit mistakes is way cool & honest. Only those in denial won’t admit to making mistakes. So I don’t think you’ll get any hate mail lol! Honesty is also a very awesome trait to exhibit N possess..Know what is funny about that though? Or sad depends on how you look at it. Things/thoughts that come out of my mouth or so blindingly (for lack of a better word making up my own..) that people are taken aback by it! Just goes to show how used to being lied to people truly are…Me? Even when the truth hurts I’d rather hear it than be lied to!
on December 22, 2012 at 10:34 pm playgroundentertainment

This time with family around Christmas is more often than not where white lies are the most necessary. Gladly taking the badly wrapped drool smelling gift is the only option really if you want to maintain a good and healthy bond with your kin. I work for a company http://www.playgroundentertainmentgroup.com that teaches children to have good skills when it comes to being in a social group. I was never very good at it myself as a child…oh well.
on December 23, 2012 at 11:54 am OyiaBrown

Reblogged this on Oyia Brown.
on December 23, 2012 at 2:02 pm hiddinsight

Thank you for saying so I believe we can change the world by loving and being loved in these incredibly profound ways!
on December 23, 2012 at 2:04 pm journeyman1977

yes we can!!! well said
on December 23, 2012 at 2:04 pm hiddinsight

Our philosophy is very similiar then, because I feel the same way! I also tell my kids that the worst thing they could ever do is lie.
on December 23, 2012 at 2:08 pm hiddinsight

I don’t condone lying in any form, but I am considering what you have said! There are difficult moments when we are around our family for sure, and tactful ways to be honest without lying: “Thank you for thinking of me!” and “I have never received anything quite like this!” for starters.
on December 23, 2012 at 2:47 pm megancheetah

Hope you have a nice Christmas!
on December 23, 2012 at 5:12 pm Hollywood

Great post
on December 23, 2012 at 9:33 pm bernasvibe

**2 thumbs UP
on December 24, 2012 at 12:00 am missjessedeol

I was once told perfection is the ability to look past the flaws…nicely written, I like your storytelling techniques Happy Holidays!!

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on December 24, 2012 at 12:38 pm Adrian Pantonial

Wonderful writing, hiddinsight!

Cheers to being ourselves…broken, oddly wrapped, yet so loved by our family and friends. Happy holidays to you!
on December 24, 2012 at 2:23 pm hiddinsight

Thank you! Merry Christmas to you too!
on December 24, 2012 at 2:25 pm hiddinsight

Thank you.
on December 24, 2012 at 2:29 pm hiddinsight

Thank you!
on December 24, 2012 at 2:30 pm hiddinsight

That is a very interesting thought. Thanks for stopping.
on December 24, 2012 at 2:31 pm hiddinsight

And to you!
on December 24, 2012 at 6:20 pm lolalately

What a timely and relevant post you’ve got here. Just when I was feeling so terribly imperfect that I – all my my little old self – had caused a friendship to fail, I realize (thanks in no small part to your post) that REAL friends love & accept ALL of us. Not just the parts they like. Thank you for the gift of you. Perfectly or imperfectly wrapped, the gift is graciously received.
on December 24, 2012 at 8:30 pm hiddinsight

I’m smiling over here Thank you for saying so.
on December 25, 2012 at 1:08 am ETrade Supply

Great, good luck 2 u!
on December 25, 2012 at 2:21 pm Crazy irish Poet

I like that, the idea of pressing reset..the thought of starting again or travelling the same road again only this time with new eyes, new perspective you see so much more that you missed the first time :0)
on December 26, 2012 at 2:51 pm hiddinsight

Thank you
on December 26, 2012 at 2:55 pm hiddinsight

Yeah. It works, but sometimes old habits come back into play, so I find I need to be very intentional about guarding my automatic responses so that I am led onto another path. Typically, we seem to take the path of least resistence, but that one has already been forged, so I have to remember that wanting it to be different means doing things differently.
on December 29, 2012 at 11:09 pm coffeediva

This was so poignant and honest and touched my heart. I am at a point in my life where I’m working on being a genuinely forgiving person (both to others and myself). None of is is perfect and we are all trying to maneuver in a very imperfect world. It’s not easy. Forgiveness is important. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and I hope you have a very Happy New Year!
on December 31, 2012 at 3:35 am hiddinsight

Thank you for the encouragement. I hope 2013 has great things in store for you.
on December 31, 2012 at 5:17 am Rhiannon Gardier

Beautiful! Just… BEAUTIFUL! I think I love you now.
on December 31, 2012 at 3:22 pm hiddinsight

Awww…thank you…
on January 1, 2013 at 12:47 pm anildeshmukh999

nice1 Gift.. … ..
on January 2, 2013 at 1:40 pm AddictiveBlogs.com

Nice post
on January 2, 2013 at 6:43 pm hiddinsight

Thank you
on January 11, 2013 at 1:19 pm faclubeglaupiva

Reblogged this on faclubeglaupivae comentado:
OI PESSOAL, ESSE NOVO CLIP DA CANTORA GLAU PIVA COM UM INSTRUMENTO VINDO DO HAWAI QUE SE CHAMA UKULELÊ, CONFIRAM… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLQ7lcwUJT0
on January 19, 2013 at 1:54 pm brendayoder

Great post.
on January 19, 2013 at 6:35 pm hiddinsight

Thank you It seems a little bit out of season now, but I appreciate that people will still read it. I had the most amazing Christmas in all my years. In so many ways, I am living my dream. Who would have thought it would have followed immediately after infidelity? You just can’t plan this stuff…

In fact, in so many ways, we think that if we can just avoid pain, then we will be happy. But it’s strangely the opposite: If we can find joy in the midst of what we are going through, then we will know happy.